They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
