puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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