If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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