You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
