omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
