I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
