think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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