the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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