so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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