somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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