too bad you live with your parents still
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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