doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
