There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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