i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
