The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize