My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize