Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
id be glad to
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
