dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
40s are totally the cure
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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