Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize