I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
