U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
