I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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