PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
