but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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