ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
