Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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