So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
