I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
