we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
