oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sext me about skeletons
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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