the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
