Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
