gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
