i don't like sucking hair
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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