Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
