Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
