In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
