My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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