Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
