I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am naked and annoyed.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
