I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize