i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
now i know why i became what i already was.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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