I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
