I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
