I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Found your dick twin last night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
