I have demons in me.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
