no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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