After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
