did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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