im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
they need to just BURY HIM!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
