and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
