So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
