why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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