Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
