So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
