i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize