I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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