Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize