Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
