oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
