Don't you send me to vm
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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