New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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