Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
