Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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