The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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