the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
