Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
