I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
