Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
