He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
