Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
