I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
