Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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