Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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