I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hippo gnu deer
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
