I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
