Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize