She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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