We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize