Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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