I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
