so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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