hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
