It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
