He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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