it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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