his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
