ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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