my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
