Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
