Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
