you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
