mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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