Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
