Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We had to coat check the pizza.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
