Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
