I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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