Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
