After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize