Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
